Tomorrow isn't promised

My wish is that you had a clue
a little twinge
that something wasn't right
and enjoyed just a bit extra
that final day week month
the souls
who shared with you
the gift of every normal day

It's not my place to grieve for you
Except you are woven into my story
and your footprints through my life
were formative
and timely and unique

The loss of you from this world means
I don't get to tell you
thank you
and sorry.
I loved you
naively and easily
but didn't know then
how to love myself

I was determined to escape
the shadow of a dismal childhood
You were in search of a loyal partner
dreams of following
the hedonism of the loft
with a home and tribe

I heard through the years
you found that partner
always together and present
for the family you made
on your own terms
living loudly, creating, giving
surrounded by community

I wished only that for you
And still, your early departure
knocked me sideways
because you've always shared
a piece of my heart
First there was you

And now you're gone
felled washing
the fucking dishes
I imagine the slightest smirk on your face
about that exit

And I always thought I'd meet you
somehow again in this life
because I owe you
more than a goodbye verse

You've taught me once more
and I will work hard to keep it close
Kindness matters
Live in the moment
Tomorrow is never promised

Random thoughts while drinking heavily post-election 2016.

In times of stress and sadness, I obsessively clean my personal spaces, donate or throw out my belongings, and WRITE.
So on this morning that we woke up to the reality of a Donald Trump presidency, a facebook post would be too long.  I decided to turn to my blog even though it's archaic. Plus there are six new boxes to donate and a full trash can at the curb...
So I might be extra affected by this loss of the White House and Congress because of my ongoing depression, who knows. It's been a long stretch of awfulness in my own personal life.
But that's beside the point of my political confusion.  Which is where I'll try to head with my stream of consciousness today.
What the hell happened last night?  In hindsight, it shouldn't be all that surprising.  But it is.
Let me start with my own present reality, and back it all up with history. I'm a super liberal married to a fiscal conservative. We just passed out 25 year anniversary (30 if you count the unmarried portion) and although we're not much like the people (babies) we were when we met, we have a shared past, present and future that keeps it all together.
My husband runs a very large piece of a very large successful global company based in NYC.  We live in Westchester County, NY.  It's one of the wealthiest counties in the country and IS the most heavily taxed county in the nation. Our personal property taxes alone are close to $50,000 per year. Compared to private school HS tuition in our neighborhood in Southern California, where we moved here from, it sounded like a great deal.  Less pricey AND I got to continue supporting (free) public education, something close to my heart...anyway we sound like 1%'ers. We are. I think. I'm not sure of the exact definition, but if I need to buy a plane ticket, at any price, at the last moment, I can.  So I think that qualifies.
But that's where we are in our lives now, not where we started.  Where we started and how we've lived in the different phases of our lives gives rise to my political leanings.
And I've lived in EVERY FUCKING CORNER of this country PLUS THE MIDDLE.
And I've lived in poverty with a single uneducated mom.
And we currently financially support our remaining living parents who still live in poverty.
And I've lived with wealth.
And I've lived on a military housing allowance.
And I've paid back student loans that were a bargain at 8%.
And I'm a woman who has both worked for pay and worked even harder for no pay as a stay at home parent.
And my husband grew up on military bases.
And when his dad left the Navy and couldn't find a job for several years, they had to sell all their furniture and move their family (four children) in with relatives and live off the charity of friends.
No joke.
Because of this, I believe that my vision for what our country should be for us and our children is broad and valid. I'm fighting for my children. Not only are they female, they both had speech and psychologial IEPs in elementary school.
I'm white and not an immigrant speaking a second language, but my mother-in-law and sister-in-law are not white and not very fluent in english, so my family encompasses every single facet of American life.
So I still don't understand.
We hit every fucking demographic other than racist homophobic white male, and are there really that many of those voting?  They couldn't find their ass with both hands if a spotlight was shining on it (a nod to my time living in the South) but still Trump reigns.
Did I mention that my father, father-in-law, three brother-in-laws, plus my husband were all military? Navy officers, navy enlisted, air force and army. Plus another brother-in-law was Peace Corps. Really, we are a family who has experienced it ALL. Every piece of the American Dream and Nightmare.
And not a single person I know from all of those past, present and future lives would vote for Trump.
Who the fuck voted for him?!
Less than a month ago I drove across country for the sixth time in my adult life.  We drove from NY to AZ through New Jersey, Pennsylvania, West Virginia, Ohio, Indiana, Missouri, Oklahoma, Texas, and New Mexico.  The most memorable experiences from that three day drive were (visual) MASSIVE steel crosses erected by the interstate in both Indiana and Texas, (emotional) a city-wide freeway overpass memorial to fallen police officers in St. Louis, and (intellectual) the proliferation of right-wing/Trump election signs in the middle of NOTHING.  No hospitals, no schools, no fucking fresh food, not even strip malls.  Just Walmart and Pilot trucker stops with "adult entertainment" and laundry machines.
I hated being a woman in these places.  We were forced to be there by the need for gas and water and food, but I felt so out of place, not elitist, but LACKING in local experience to help me fit in...
And that wasn't my first "drive through" rodeo.
Steve and I drove from Washington to Florida in 1988. One car. We did it again from Virginia to San Diego in 1990 with two cars and one continuously screaming cat (my car). From San Diego to NYC in 1993.  From NYC to Phoenix in 1995. From Los Angeles to NYC (one car, two kids, two screaming cats) in 2012.
Every single drive across country in those years we've been at a different stage in our lives.
And never once have we had a conversation about stopping to live in those states where Trump outperformed, where most residents have  never crossed state lines, never applied for a passport, never aspired to anything other than what they've already EXPERIENCED.
So, I conclude with these broad thoughts.  An insulated society elected Trump. I'm baffled by this because of the whole global economy and internet thing, but personal experience tells me that the division in politics has a whole lot to do with economics and experience.
Get the fuck away from where you know it all and you'll be less ignorant, more empathetic, and much much more relatable.
But wait.  I'm not done.  We haven't talked yet about mental health care/addiction access (a HUGE piece of my life since the age of 8) big pharma, or reproductive rights.  Don't worry, they will be highlighted in future diatribes.  I don't see my need for writing away the stress going away anytime soon.